His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
whose parrot is this?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
