did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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