I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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