i think my mom watched the whole time
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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