I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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