# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i came on her dog
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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