im drinking this country out of the recession.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
