I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I believe in your delicious
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
