I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize