i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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