we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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