i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
