I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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