I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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