dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
