Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
