Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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