What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
