My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You smell like stripper and shame
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
