i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
