the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
my poor anus
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
