How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
They have beer where we have blood.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
