It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
