I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
