her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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