I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
