I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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