you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
