Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
