So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
