dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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