Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
