so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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