The brown eye won't let me do that either.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
