Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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