...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
