How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
