he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
