Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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