Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
