I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
