How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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