I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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