just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
