I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
love makes seman taste better
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize