While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
