at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
