So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
