I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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