On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
