We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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