Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
