I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
