I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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