I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
