I just threw up on my dentist
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize