I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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