saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
