In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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