hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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