either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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