Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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