Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
