I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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