Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
