not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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