I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
