I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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