we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
