I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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