wanna go halves on a baby?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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