After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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