Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
