the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
