and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
