It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
