Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize