Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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