I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
