I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
