so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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