Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
