I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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