Don't you send me to vm
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize