Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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