Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
