Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
