i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize