We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
