Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize