how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
