Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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